Gardutlab is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, selfish cow.

Gardutlab created the Cigar Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gardutlab, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gardutlab, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Gardutlab's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Gardutlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats in need.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always look after injured horses.

4. Run away if seven geese approach from the west.

5. Never write about amino acids.