Jopgumweg is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, clever penguin.

Jopgumweg created the world four million years ago.

If you believe in Jopgumweg, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopgumweg, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jopgumweg's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Jopgumweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not kill seals.

4. Never feed limes to eagles while wearing cyan dresses.

5. Never eat green fruit.