Tarpwapwig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent wren.

Tarpwapwig created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpwapwig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarpwapwig, he will cry a lot.

Tarpwapwig's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Tarpwapwig's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Always wear blue.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink alcohol.