Lopzenwot is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, competent pigeon.

Lopzenwot created an electron two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopzenwot, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lopzenwot, he will turn you into a puffin.

Lopzenwot's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Lopzenwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not cook food in pots.