Appkartunstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, resourceful slug.

Appkartunstaf created the Andromeda Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Appkartunstaf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Appkartunstaf, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Appkartunstaf's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Appkartunstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Run away from green badgers, for they are unholy.