Dapkontan is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, clever lobster.

Dapkontan created the Tadpole Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapkontan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dapkontan, she will not care at all.

Dapkontan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Dapkontan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear mauve clothing.

2. Always help sick snakes.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always obey Dapkontan's priests.

5. Do not bounce in public.