Cartinpak is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, witty hyena.

Cartinpak created the Cigar Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cartinpak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cartinpak, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Cartinpak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Cartinpak's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Fast once a month.