Fastamjipmob is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, slow jackal.

Fastamjipmob created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fastamjipmob, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fastamjipmob, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fastamjipmob's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Fastamjipmob's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never go into black rooms.

3. Always obey Fastamjipmob's priests.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Run away if three sheep approach from the south.