Sassaknak Kapzodquam is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, boastful swallow.

Sassaknak Kapzodquam created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sassaknak Kapzodquam, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Sassaknak Kapzodquam, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Sassaknak Kapzodquam's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Sassaknak Kapzodquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to hamsters while wearing purple kilts.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sassaknak Kapzodquam.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

5. Do not commit murder.