Biffitflanhotrotquart is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, two-faced aardvark.

Biffitflanhotrotquart created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Biffitflanhotrotquart, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Biffitflanhotrotquart, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Biffitflanhotrotquart's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Biffitflanhotrotquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick doves.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not kill birds.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about stars.