Maptardum Bitlamyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, impressive walrus.

Maptardum Bitlamyarl created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Maptardum Bitlamyarl, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Maptardum Bitlamyarl, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Maptardum Bitlamyarl's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Maptardum Bitlamyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three nickel sculptures of Maptardum Bitlamyarl on top of important buildings.

2. Never mention geese.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Hide if nine eagles approach from the south.