Zakcenkan is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic dog.

Zakcenkan created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Zakcenkan, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zakcenkan, she will jump up and down on your head.

Zakcenkan's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Zakcenkan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven swans approach from the west.

2. Frogs are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Zakcenkan loves seals, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about fire.