Gofnartyart is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, stupid crocodile.

Gofnartyart created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Gofnartyart, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gofnartyart, it will turn you into a plant.

Gofnartyart's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gofnartyart's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. You must pray to Gofnartyart three times a day.