Vonkjapboss is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, staggering coyote.

Vonkjapboss created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkjapboss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vonkjapboss, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vonkjapboss' most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Vonkjapboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt great tits.

2. Shrews are not to be trusted.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.