Stafpomkad is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, emotional swan.

Stafpomkad created tapeworms eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafpomkad, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Stafpomkad, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Stafpomkad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Stafpomkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to snails while wearing indigo tights.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never wear ear rings.

4. Worship no other gods but Stafpomkad.

5. Never mention hamsters.