Cemkikben is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, confident aardvark.

Cemkikben created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemkikben, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cemkikben, it will not care.

Cemkikben's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Cemkikben's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Cemkikben on top of all buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about geese.