Tinnarlzen is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, calm deer.

Tinnarlzen created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinnarlzen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tinnarlzen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tinnarlzen's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tinnarlzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not hurt porpoises.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Tinnarlzen on top of important buildings.

4. Always help doves in need.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.