Nuttpodgun is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional snake.

Nuttpodgun created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttpodgun, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nuttpodgun, he will not invite you to parties.

Nuttpodgun's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Nuttpodgun's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nuttpodgun's priests.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never feed pineapples to aardvarks while wearing blue corsets.

4. Run away if eight badgers approach from the south.

5. Retreat if four eagles approach from the west.