Sakmifbarn Neltenstan is a god.

It takes the form of a large, benevolent manatee.

Sakmifbarn Neltenstan created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sakmifbarn Neltenstan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sakmifbarn Neltenstan, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Sakmifbarn Neltenstan's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sakmifbarn Neltenstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never hurt squirrels.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never wear magenta scarves.