Quamtimgon is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, selfish hedgehog.

Quamtimgon created the Tadpole Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtimgon, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamtimgon, it will destroy your favourite star.

Quamtimgon's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Quamtimgon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick sheep.

5. Never feed figs to snails while wearing mauve jumpers.