Hanpad is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, annoying bear.

Hanpad created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hanpad, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hanpad, it will throw large rocks at you.

Hanpad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Hanpad's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hanpad.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never paint your back red.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hanpad.

5. Never play with disobedient children.