Nurtmittam is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind weasel.

Nurtmittam created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmittam, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurtmittam, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nurtmittam's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Nurtmittam's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Nurtmittam.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Nurtmittam.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Never sit in holy places.