Japvanzed is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing fairy.

Japvanzed created the universe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japvanzed, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Japvanzed, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Japvanzed's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Japvanzed's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Run away if six seals approach from the south.

5. Always stare at clouds.