Flamflamlen is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, awe-inspiring dryad.

Flamflamlen created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamflamlen, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flamflamlen, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flamflamlen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Flamflamlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. Erect five carbon sculptures of Flamflamlen on top of important buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not cook food in pots.