Zakfatwee is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, quiet turtle.

Zakfatwee created the Andromeda Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakfatwee, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Zakfatwee, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Zakfatwee's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Zakfatwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snakes.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Zakfatwee on top of all buildings.

4. Never skip near badgers.

5. Hide from mauve aardvarks for they are unholy.