Dogvonbem is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, pitiless sheep.

Dogvonbem created gold four million years ago.

If you believe in Dogvonbem, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dogvonbem, it will turn you into a rat.

Dogvonbem's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Dogvonbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from mauve mice for they are unholy.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Dogvonbem loves birds, so they must be respected.