Ganrutjon is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, compassionate ferret.

Ganrutjon created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganrutjon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ganrutjon, it will turn you into a mouse.

Ganrutjon's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ganrutjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

5. Never hurt snakes.