Bamzim is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, quiet tapir.

Bamzim created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamzim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bamzim, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bamzim's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bamzim's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not hurt great tits.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.