Tikyakvig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent troll.

Tikyakvig created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikyakvig, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tikyakvig, she will turn you into a dog.

Tikyakvig's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tikyakvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Never wear brown coats.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never write about cell theory.