Dutkapteenten is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, uncaring mole.

Dutkapteenten created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutkapteenten, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dutkapteenten, she will ignore you.

Dutkapteenten's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Dutkapteenten's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured foxes.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Never paint your chest purple.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never jump in the presence of swans.