Barnlakbim is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, unthinking guinea pig.

Barnlakbim created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnlakbim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Barnlakbim, she will come to you in dreams.

Barnlakbim's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Barnlakbim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine rats approach from the south.

2. Do not kill mites.

3. Put Barnlakbim first in all things.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.