Ditdod is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, slow whale.

Ditdod created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditdod, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ditdod, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ditdod's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ditdod's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight nematodes approach from the east.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never think about gravity.