Sitweeril is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, self-confident gerbil.

Sitweeril created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitweeril, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sitweeril, he will torture you forever.

Sitweeril's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Sitweeril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Respect your elders.

3. You must love Sitweeril.

4. You must never eat cucumbers.

5. Do not drink water in pink rooms.