Besslabpangep is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow pig.

Besslabpangep created time and space twelve years ago.

If you believe in Besslabpangep, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Besslabpangep, it will turn you into a snail.

Besslabpangep's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Besslabpangep's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to cats while wearing brown kilts.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never write about planets.