Lopcapxinbep is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, narcissistic raccoon.

Lopcapxinbep created the Sombrero Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopcapxinbep, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lopcapxinbep, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lopcapxinbep's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Lopcapxinbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never feed onions to snails while wearing violet scarves.