Kikfubnill Arftettiflan is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unthoughtful bat.

Kikfubnill Arftettiflan created parasitic wasps three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfubnill Arftettiflan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kikfubnill Arftettiflan, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kikfubnill Arftettiflan's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Kikfubnill Arftettiflan's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. You must love Kikfubnill Arftettiflan.

4. Always help sick shrews.

5. Pigs are not to be trusted.