Tapparksaf is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, humane scorpion.

Tapparksaf created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapparksaf, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tapparksaf, he will destroy your favourite star.

Tapparksaf's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tapparksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.