Zogsanponyiklabfencen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid gerbil.

Zogsanponyiklabfencen created the Sol system two years ago.

If you believe in Zogsanponyiklabfencen, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zogsanponyiklabfencen, he will turn you into a snail.

Zogsanponyiklabfencen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zogsanponyiklabfencen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair yellow.

2. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Zogsanponyiklabfencen on top of important buildings.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always help bats in need.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.