Nurtomtvid is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, benevolent jackal.

Nurtomtvid created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtomtvid, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nurtomtvid, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nurtomtvid's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Nurtomtvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never hurt dogs.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Never play with disobedient children.