Talcitsin is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, witty shark.

Talcitsin created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Talcitsin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Talcitsin, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Talcitsin's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Talcitsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. You must love Talcitsin.

3. Run away from indigo mice, for they are unholy.

4. You must pray to Talcitsin nine times a day.

5. Hide if five whales approach from the west.