Quamsternattapkap is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, omniscient walrus.

Quamsternattapkap created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamsternattapkap, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quamsternattapkap, he will try to impress you with trees.

Quamsternattapkap's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Quamsternattapkap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not hurt whales.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat green fruit.