Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, emotional crow.

Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab created matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab, he will turn you into a frog.

Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. You must love Pitsakvanpas Bimcumbam Kaptommab.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.