Ortvenbif is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, awesome otter.

Ortvenbif created the Tadpole Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortvenbif, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ortvenbif, he will come to you in dreams.

Ortvenbif's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ortvenbif's Holy Commandments

1. Ortvenbif loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never go into white rooms.