Gesstadquaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous jackal.

Gesstadquaf created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gesstadquaf, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gesstadquaf, she will turn you into a slug.

Gesstadquaf's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Gesstadquaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat turnips.

2. Worship no other gods but Gesstadquaf.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Always obey Gesstadquaf's priests.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.