Zakarm Rutomtsit is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, charitable porpoise.

Zakarm Rutomtsit created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakarm Rutomtsit, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zakarm Rutomtsit, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Zakarm Rutomtsit's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Zakarm Rutomtsit's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Zakarm Rutomtsit.