Tanvolvad is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, slow beaver.

Tanvolvad created the world three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanvolvad, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tanvolvad, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tanvolvad's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tanvolvad's Holy Commandments

1. Tanvolvad must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Worship no other gods but Tanvolvad.

4. Hide if eight sharks approach from the east.

5. Never eat bark.