Cemgepdad is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, capable squid.

Cemgepdad created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemgepdad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cemgepdad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cemgepdad's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Cemgepdad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine bats approach from the south.

2. Never skip in the presence of monkeys.

3. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.