Dogtunzan Futgamven is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing wren.

Dogtunzan Futgamven created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Dogtunzan Futgamven, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dogtunzan Futgamven, he will turn you into a mole.

Dogtunzan Futgamven's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Dogtunzan Futgamven's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Never laugh near bats.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.