Arnsogjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, fast grasshopper.

Arnsogjarn created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Arnsogjarn, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Arnsogjarn, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Arnsogjarn's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Arnsogjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Arnsogjarn loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Retreat if five shrews approach from the east.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never feed cherries to great tits while wearing orange tights.