Vonklidwad Capquimbid is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, stupid seal.

Vonklidwad Capquimbid created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonklidwad Capquimbid, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonklidwad Capquimbid, it will turn you into a hamster.

Vonklidwad Capquimbid's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Vonklidwad Capquimbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Hide from fawn seals for they are unholy.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never eat bark.